Prescription meds were first. They dulled the edge but dulled everything else too. I felt like my brain was disconnected from my head. The side effects created new problems. After four months I stopped. They were masking things, not fixing them.
Therapy helped me understand the anxiety but couldn't touch the 3AM wake-ups or the pounding heart. My second therapist told me straight: "For what you're dealing with, therapy alone probably isn't going to get you there."
Breathing exercises made it worse. Every app, every technique. Focusing on my breath during a panic made me hyper-aware of every inhale, which made the panic spike harder.
Melatonin was the wrong tool for the wrong problem. It's for your sleep cycle, not for a mind that won't stop running.
CBD made my brain go faster, not slower. Thoughts racing about things that hadn't even happened yet.
I even tried a magnesium cream I saw advertised on Facebook. One of those "rub it on and feel the relief" lotions. I used it for two weeks straight. It felt nice on my skin, sure, but it did absolutely nothing for the noise in my head. I wrote magnesium off completely after that.
I was starting to accept this was just my life now. That the woman I used to be wasn't coming back.
But something in me wouldn't let go. I kept searching, kept reading, kept asking anyone who would listen...
Until one night on Facebook, I saw something that stopped my scroll.